The Life Changing Moment Of Realizing “It Was All On Me!”

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Imagine getting up every day full of energy is

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if you were in your 20s. Again, what would that be like? What

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would that be worth to

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you? What is your health worth to you? Think about it. Your

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health isn't everything. But without it, everything else is

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nothing. And yet too many of us are taking it for granted until

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something goes wrong. No one wakes up hoping to be diagnosed

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with a disease or chronic illness. And yet, we've never

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been taught how to be proactive in our health through our school

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system, or public health. As a registered health coach and

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integrative health practitioner, I believe it is time this

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information is made available to everyone. Combining new

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knowledge around your health and the ability to do my functional

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medicine lab tests in the comfort of your own home will

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allow you to optimize your health for today and all your

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tomorrow's don't wait for your wake up call.

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Welcome back to the don't wait for your wake up call podcast.

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I'm your host, Melissa Daly and excited to bring you another

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wonderful guest today. Today I have with me Tricia purrito, a

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wonderful colleague and friend of mine. Welcome, Tricia,

Tricia Parido: 00:01:24

thank you so much for having me. I am so excited

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to be here.

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I'm excited to do this podcast with you as

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well. And to introduce you to the audience, Tricia purrito is

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a recovery lifestyle enthusiast speaker and published writer.

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She is a nationally certified life coach and international

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master addictions specialist and a professional life

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interventionist with a psych degree in process behavioral and

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chemical addiction, who loves to help changing lives,

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specializing in life transitions and post treatment journeys.

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Perito is ever committed to serving her clients worldwide,

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find the emotional intelligence they need to conquer their life

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challenges. And as you can see, I'm reading your bio there that

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refers to you by last name, which I never do. You're a

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Trisha to me. So I know, what I love about you so so much is

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that you truly walk your talk, and you have been there. And you

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have found your way out of the mass that I would love for you

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to share your story because it's incredibly inspiring. And it

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helps others know that they can do it too. Right?

Unknown: 00:02:43

You know, Yeah, cuz I totally, seriously, I'm telling

Unknown: 00:02:48

everybody here, if I can do it, you can do it. Because I mean,

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my journey started at the age age of four. And it was very

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split. So half of it was super awesome and amazing, right? This

Unknown: 00:03:02

this, this young child who is reading, writing, doing

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arithmetic, playing chess, playing classical piano,

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competitively swimming at six and a half years old, right,

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like, just great things and but on the other half also was a

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four year old who already felt that they they had to keep

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things secret, that they had to hide things shove their thoughts

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and opinions and feelings and emotions down and shut them

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down. Because at the age of four, I experienced my first

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sexual assault. And I also experienced or witnessed my dad

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being struck by lightning. So trauma for me started at a very

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young age. And, and then in that was, you know, how I was

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receiving my environment and I was receiving my environment in

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a very skewed way, even at that young age. And I think a lot of

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it's because I am very intuitive. Didn't know that, of

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course then but, you know, fast forward through a lot of years

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of, of, you know, just regular sibling teasing, but

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internalizing it in a way that actually is an it became an

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alignment to what was reality. And that to shed a little light

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there because I know I'm speaking a little ambiguous, but

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you know, my siblings would tease me that you know, that I

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belong down the street to the neighbor, because I didn't look

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like them or that I was I was a milkman, baby or, you know,

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something along those lines. Because I did look very

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different. And, and my, my, you know, my skin color was very

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dark. And, and, you know, I just, I just looked different. I

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was different. And and, you know, at a certain point in my

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life when I when I got pregnant with my son, I found out that

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well they were right all along. And there was a reason why I

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never truly felt like I felt fit in and that's because I did have

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a different father. And, and but we were all raised in the same

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household. So anyway, so that's like early childhood for me, but

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you know, when I was 12 So we're getting into that adolescent

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space. You know, my dad was killed in a in a tragic

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accident. And so we go back to that modeling of what was being

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presented to me. So you know, there was the shoving down

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hiding, put on the pretty face. Don't tell anybody anything

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negative or bad. Always show the good. But then when my dad was

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killed, it's like, how are these people still holding this up?

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Like, how are they smiling? Like, I was going? I don't get

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it. I don't I don't understand. So I'm looking around the room.

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And being the intuitive I was, they were all drinking and

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smoking. So what did I do? I got my cousin victim, a six pack and

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a pack of cigarettes. And there you There you go. Right. It

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worked for me. And and so it became my go to just like the

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popsicles or the the lollipops you get when you fall down and

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scrape your knee or have to get a shot at the doctor or whatever

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the beer became that, that that thing I relied on, in times of

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death,

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you feel better. Right? Right. And then

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you put you put your you put yourself into, you know,

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this, this adolescent space. And and I experienced, you know,

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additional sexual assault, I was actually raped when I was just

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about 13 years old. And and then I was stopped by by that person.

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And and then trying to fit in and trying to make sense of all

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of that, you know, alcohol became even more of a reliable

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avenue to allow me to even feel comfortable in groups of teens,

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you know, these teenage people that I was now surrounded with,

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in various ages. And, and so anyway, you know, and all in

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all, I, you know, I've moved through five sexual assaults in

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my life, I also was in a relationship with a lot of

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severe domestic violence. So between four and 2023 24 now,

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four and 25. You know, I really, I really was, it really weighed

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heavily on my ability to be a control freak perfectionism. So,

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anorexia was a big part of my life. As I was drinking, and

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avoiding, right, like always, just always trying to be good

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enough. So there was a lot of reliance on on praise from other

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people. And when it wasn't coming, like it was really

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devastating, because I thought a lot of it as a child, small

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child, but that went away as I got older, and I just never

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could get it back. Anyway, so I worked really hard on holding on

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to my addictions, for a long time. And then my recovery

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journey so that's about 30 year journey with with chemical

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substance reliance, and, and, and, but eating disorders, I was

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able to heal from sooner, which is usually backwards for most

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people, you know, the substances go away first. But you know,

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when I met my spouse, I was able to find unconditional positive

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regard and allow myself to experience that, but I kept the

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alcohol and life was great life was wonderful. So my 25 year

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recovery journey was about healing those traumas and the

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eating disorders and you know, lots of other things. Fast

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forward, I'm gonna tell you guys empty nesters a real thing. So

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my husband and I have five children and and our girls

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really gave us a run for money. So in their in our oldest

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daughter's high school years, she constructed leukemia. So she

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had AML leukemia so there was a lot of you know, a lot of

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connected and family banding together to you know, like

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really get through it and get through it positively. And then

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the younger one, you know, she she got sick she got ecoli and

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ended up having hemolytic uremic syndrome and and had to go on

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kidney dialysis right so I was always on guard and so my again

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my only release for that emotional space because mom

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taught me mom raised me you know, buck up like pull up you

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know, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and and keep going

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like don't don't ever crumble and so I didn't but I but I did

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in those quiet moments still rely very heavily on that, on

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that calming of the alcohol because I didn't know anything

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else. I learned it at 12 I didn't know anything else. I was

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never taught effective coping skills. There was no emotion

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regulation or distress tolerance taught in my home. And it

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certainly wasn't coming at school. So when you know when

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when the kids started moving out, which most of them were

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gone all at once. The Empty Nest is a real thing. And then so you

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cover that ad that empty nest with having had a full

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hysterectomy at 29 and not being able to do hormone replacement.

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And really just being in this odd transitional space, I

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developed generalized anxiety disorder. And my medical

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provider who knew I was a daily drinker.

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She was a good friend, she taught her everything that was

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wrong with our with our daughters. But anyway, she

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prescribed Xanax, knowing I was a daily drinker for my anxiety,

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which seems harmless enough, but but it's not. It's really

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dangerous. And then it was prescribed to me over the course

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of five years. And so slowly but surely over those five years,

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what happened was I formulated a physiological addiction to both

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and they are actually synergistic, right, like they

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exacerbate each other. So you know, you get to the end where I

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decided, you know, gosh, enough is enough my body, I can feel my

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liver, I can feel my liver working at night. I can feel all

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four chambers of my heart beating is this is not good.

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Like I don't want to go out like my grandmother did was cirrhosis

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of the liver. So I checked myself in because I knew detox

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from alcohol detox from I didn't know detox from benzos was

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dangerous, but I sure learned that real quick. But I knew I

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needed to be monitored, because my blood pressure was off, you

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know, everything else. So I went to, you know, I researched I

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found a program that spoke my language. And I'm going to tell

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you a story of somebody that goes into detox and treatment in

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a way that nobody ever does. Because I showed up sober and

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showed him sober. I planned it, I spent two months getting to

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know the staff, and the programs that I knew what to expect. And

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it was all planned out. And you know, very much true Trisha

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style, right? It had to be perfect from start to finish.

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And it had to go in the very timeframe. And if anything was

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going to happen, I was going to overachieve not under achieve.

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So I I accomplished my seven to 10 day detox in three days, and

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those kinds of things. And and then I you know, and it was it

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was great. It was wonderful for for what I needed in that space.

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But then I went home, and the discharge plan was a and weekly

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therapy. Well, where I lived at the time, because I was also you

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know, in a in a whole different county where I went to

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treatment, but I went home, the age didn't even exist in my, in

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my community, I would have had to go to counties or two cities

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over. And I I tried, I really did, but I didn't even fit in

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right there is just, it just didn't work. Right. And so I

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found a women's group, it was just a bunch of us women, you

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know, talking about whatever, we all had families and kids or

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whatever, we all had our own issues and problems. And and

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that was my support group. But in that I went to school. And so

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I became my first client, I literally was my first client.

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So Melissa says I eat sleep, breathe and actually walk the

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walk of what I teach, even though it's been nine years. I

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since I since I've been doing this practice, and I absolutely

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am still in it every day. So I went to school and I started

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learning, you know, everything I heard about, you know,

Unknown: 00:13:20

addiction. So physiological effects of drugs and alcohol on

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the body, right was glass number one. And and I, you know, got my

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certification to be an addiction treatment counselor identified

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in that space that I am more suited to be a coach found an

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accredited, again, I emphasize the word accredited coaching

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program for for addiction. That was very extensive, and also

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went on to get my psych degree where I studied process

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behavioral and chemical addiction. And and so all of

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those three things combined. I'm learning and I'm learning and

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I'm learning and I'm like, Okay, so I'm learning all of these

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methods and modalities and tactics and things like that,

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that as practitioners, they teach us to talk about with our

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clients, as a counselor or a therapist or a psych, right. But

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the cool part was because I wanted to be a coach, I got to

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say, we need to know because I remember I sat in all of those

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rooms, I sat in, you know, in all the meetings and the groups

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and the therapy and you know, the counseling, and nobody was

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teaching me how to implement it in my life. They were talking

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around it. So when I was in school, and I was

Melissa Deally: 00:14:31

really telling you what to do, but then not the

Melissa Deally: 00:14:34

house. Right? It won't

Unknown: 00:14:35

even you don't need to consider it. Right because

Unknown: 00:14:39

it's very, very gentle. Yeah, it's

Unknown: 00:14:42

very gentle. You say it's, well how about this? You should?

Unknown: 00:14:45

Yeah, let's try that or consider Yeah, anyway, it's different.

Unknown: 00:14:49

They they educate you, but they don't tell you what you need to

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do. So I figured out I converted it all to a coaching model so

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that I can actually look During the practical application of

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psychological tactics, I did it in my life first. And then I

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spent a lot of time learning how to, you know, with other people,

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like because I can't teach you how I did it, but I sure as heck

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now, where I'm at can can help you help you figure out how to

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add, edit, delete, change def more, make it your own for your

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life. And then we figure out together what is that practical

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application going to be for you? And and so we come out with, you

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know, we know ourselves. Anyway, so So that was my journey. That

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is That is how I ended up launching my practice. And or

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creating it should I say, and that's, that's my story. Don't

Unknown: 00:15:44

look back.

Melissa Deally: 00:15:46

Keep going forward. But I saw a recent post

Melissa Deally: 00:15:50

of yours on social media. And you just mentioned in that post

Melissa Deally: 00:15:54

about the moment you decided to love yourself. So talk to me

Melissa Deally: 00:15:59

about that moment.

Unknown: 00:16:02

Oh, wow. I'm not even sure if it was a moment. I don't

Unknown: 00:16:07

even know

Melissa Deally: 00:16:08

if it was where maybe it was that phase.

Unknown: 00:16:11

It was in that it was in that because, because even

Unknown: 00:16:14

though I was loving myself, for the mother, I was for the wife

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that I was, right. I wasn't loving me, I didn't live for

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myself first, I lived for everybody else first, and it was

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all seated in, you know how much I could do for others. And I was

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always that one that would drop everything and go take care of

Unknown: 00:16:30

it. I was always the hero, always the hero. And so, you

Unknown: 00:16:35

know, it wasn't that I. So in my, in my recovery, education

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journey, I really started to figure out that a lot of that

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internal dialogue that was about me, right, I felt like my

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thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, my opinions, my

Unknown: 00:16:57

beliefs, my needs, my wants my dreams, my desires, weren't seen

Unknown: 00:17:02

as being valid, or holding any value. I've felt very dismissed

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in my life. Even though I was working real hard to be the hero

Unknown: 00:17:13

all the time, then, you know, as I as I'm healing on my own, you

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know, in my own recovery, you know, I'm learning that my

Unknown: 00:17:20

family doesn't think that I think that I think those things

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about me, and so that's when I dove in even deeper, how can I

Unknown: 00:17:28

restructure these things. And it became important to me, as soon

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as I realized that it was all, it was all just about what I was

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how I was allowing myself to experience my environment, the

Unknown: 00:17:39

people in it, how I was allowing myself to see and experience

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myself. And I can liken this to anybody that may know what this

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is like. But Body Dysmorphia is a you know, it's a it's a

Unknown: 00:17:52

difficult thing. And I and I lived with it for a long time.

Unknown: 00:17:55

And, and now I now I know how to navigate it. But but you know

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when when you don't see yourself or don't allow yourself to see

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yourself in the way that others do. Or even better the way that

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you want to see you and the way that you want to see you

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experiencing living, then other people aren't going to be able

Unknown: 00:18:18

to receive you the way you want to be received. And so that's

Unknown: 00:18:22

when it started was when I realized that I was putting my

Unknown: 00:18:26

negative beliefs that I don't know from childhood. Remember I

Unknown: 00:18:30

said back in childhood, it was the way I received my siblings

Unknown: 00:18:34

innocent sibling this, right. Like, I can see them today. And

Unknown: 00:18:39

we're all well over our 50s Right, we're 5060s and, and they

Unknown: 00:18:44

they don't they, they never at any time really felt like they

Unknown: 00:18:49

were doing anything, you know, traumatizing to me. But they

Unknown: 00:18:53

were but that was my arm that was on me. I blamed them for so

Unknown: 00:18:58

many years and it was all on me. Granted, I was a child. And my

Unknown: 00:19:05

mom taught me how not to you know really say about the you

Unknown: 00:19:10

know, the traumatizing things like frayed of the dark. I think

Unknown: 00:19:12

I shared that with you earlier today. Yeah, right. Definitely

Unknown: 00:19:15

afraid of the dark. But I never told anybody I would just sit

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there frozen in my room and just sit there like I don't know, the

Unknown: 00:19:24

whole night. Because I didn't want anybody to know that I had

Unknown: 00:19:28

this thing wrong with me. Whatever, right? So the moment

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that I realized that it was up on me was the moment that

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changed my life. When the day that I realized that I'm the one

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that thinks all of these things about me. Other people may as

Unknown: 00:19:46

well, but but that's on them. I can't control how other people

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perceive me. But I can change how I perceive myself which is

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going to up my chances of being received and perceived by

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others. closer to the light in which I wish to be seen. Does

Unknown: 00:20:04

that answer your question? Absolutely.

Melissa Deally: 00:20:06

And that is so powerful. It is so, so powerful

Melissa Deally: 00:20:09

because I've recently done podcasts, the January 2022,

Melissa Deally: 00:20:13

podcasts were all about slowing down and getting more done. But

Melissa Deally: 00:20:19

in that we were talking about our beliefs and the 70,000

Melissa Deally: 00:20:22

thoughts we have inside our head. And in fact, my December

Melissa Deally: 00:20:25

2021 POTUS podcast, we're touching on this as well,

Melissa Deally: 00:20:28

because it's such an important point, right. And when we get to

Melissa Deally: 00:20:33

that point, where we realize that a lot of the dialogue that

Melissa Deally: 00:20:37

we have in our head is simply not true. It is not based, in

Melissa Deally: 00:20:43

fact,

Unknown: 00:20:44

or the floor is in our head, exactly.

Melissa Deally: 00:20:47

Based on beliefs and experiences, etc. But it

Melissa Deally: 00:20:51

doesn't mean it's true. And it doesn't mean it's fact. And when

Melissa Deally: 00:20:53

we understand that we can then realize, okay, I can rewrite

Melissa Deally: 00:20:56

them exactly as you did. And when you rewrite them, then you

Melissa Deally: 00:21:00

can show up in the world as who you want to be, and then there's

Melissa Deally: 00:21:04

can receive you that way.

Unknown: 00:21:06

Yeah, that's how that I love that you're talking about

Unknown: 00:21:09

that the beliefs, right? I have an exercise that is just so

Unknown: 00:21:16

transformational. But you know, those in going through my I

Unknown: 00:21:20

believe, exercise is how I came up with my life's motto that I

Unknown: 00:21:26

just adore, I adore. And that is this is my life to, it gets to

Unknown: 00:21:33

look, feel, be however I want it to, I get to choose and love

Unknown: 00:21:39

that. And so when I have that model, what it also has done is

Unknown: 00:21:43

it's allowed me to offer it to every other being on the planet,

Unknown: 00:21:46

because who would I be? The thing that that only applies to

Unknown: 00:21:50

me. Right? And and so this allows me to, to stay out of the

Unknown: 00:21:56

stance of a judger Mm hmm. This allows me to stay in a space of

Unknown: 00:22:02

of a learner, and curiosity that, yeah, somebody that is

Unknown: 00:22:06

open to receiving, to learning to gaining to expanding,

Melissa Deally: 00:22:11

I absolutely love that. And on this podcast,

Melissa Deally: 00:22:14

my audience has heard me say many times before, to turn your

Melissa Deally: 00:22:18

judgment into curiosity. Don't judge yourself, get curious as

Melissa Deally: 00:22:22

to why you're feeling what you're feeling, whether it's

Melissa Deally: 00:22:25

emotional pain, or physical pain, etc, because then we get

Melissa Deally: 00:22:28

to an understanding, and then we can choose to do something about

Melissa Deally: 00:22:31

it. But I absolutely love your life's motto. So I want you to

Melissa Deally: 00:22:35

say it one more time, because that was really powerful. Say it

Melissa Deally: 00:22:39

one more time nice and slow, because the audience would love

Melissa Deally: 00:22:42

to hear it. Again,

Unknown: 00:22:42

I talked so fast, and just my life.

Melissa Deally: 00:22:47

Just before you do that, I want to link it to

Melissa Deally: 00:22:48

the fact that the theme of the march podcast is all about power

Melissa Deally: 00:22:53

within. So share your motto again, please.

Unknown: 00:22:58

This is my life too. It gets to look, feel be however I

Unknown: 00:23:05

want to,

Melissa Deally: 00:23:06

I get to choose. I love it. And when we know that

Melissa Deally: 00:23:12

internally, and we make that decision, there's so much that

Melissa Deally: 00:23:17

we can then create for ourselves on that path that we want to go.

Melissa Deally: 00:23:22

Whether that's in building a business, whether it's in going

Melissa Deally: 00:23:25

back to school to completely change up what you're doing in

Melissa Deally: 00:23:28

life, whether that's even allowing your body to heal,

Melissa Deally: 00:23:32

right. Because even that comes back to the place of belief that

Melissa Deally: 00:23:36

you first have to believe you can heal before that's even

Melissa Deally: 00:23:39

going to happen, and you get to choose. So I love all of the

Melissa Deally: 00:23:47

work that you do. And you and I of course work very closely

Melissa Deally: 00:23:49

together and there's overlaps, etc. And I want you just share

Melissa Deally: 00:23:54

about it leads from that motto, but everyone has the power to

Melissa Deally: 00:24:00

experience living the way they desire. And that totally ties

Melissa Deally: 00:24:06

into that model that you've just said. But just dig into that a

Melissa Deally: 00:24:10

little bit deeper, because sometimes people feel like

Melissa Deally: 00:24:14

they're stuck and they don't have any choices. What would you

Melissa Deally: 00:24:17

say to that? Oh,

Unknown: 00:24:20

I Well, I deal with this day in and day out right

Unknown: 00:24:24

with with the clients because it's you know, they generally

Unknown: 00:24:30

come to me, you know, with with something they want to remove

Unknown: 00:24:33

from their life, whether it's alcohol, sugar, whatever, right?

Unknown: 00:24:38

And and so what what they have to realize, or what they get to

Unknown: 00:24:42

realize at some point is that that's, that's just the surface

Unknown: 00:24:47

level, that there's a reason that they have have given it an

Unknown: 00:24:53

emotional purpose. They've given it a job to do in their life,

Unknown: 00:24:58

and we have to figure out why So I'm going to piggyback on your,

Unknown: 00:25:02

you got to know your the why we do have to ask ourselves why?

Unknown: 00:25:06

Why do I want to? I don't know, give up alcohol? Why do I want

Unknown: 00:25:09

to give up sugar? What what is it? What distress? Is it causing

Unknown: 00:25:12

me? Why do I need? Why do I feel like I need to give this up? And

Unknown: 00:25:17

when we have that answer, we need to ask why again. Because

Unknown: 00:25:21

it's never that, that surface, I'll tell a little story, I'll

Unknown: 00:25:28

tell a little story. And I think this will help people because

Unknown: 00:25:30

this is a good one. As human beings, we broad brush, right?

Unknown: 00:25:35

We broad brush everything everything's, you know, I had a

Unknown: 00:25:40

client who, who always felt like the black sheep of her family.

Unknown: 00:25:46

She never truly felt like she fit in or was accepted or was

Unknown: 00:25:50

you know, she always felt judged and belittled. But she also took

Unknown: 00:25:54

that, that same thing with her to work, she'd get in, she'd get

Unknown: 00:25:57

a new job, and then everything would be bubbly. And she'd be

Unknown: 00:26:00

super great friends with everybody in the minute somebody

Unknown: 00:26:03

didn't like something that she had to say, or her opinion, or

Unknown: 00:26:06

she didn't make a mistake, all of a sudden, she was the black

Unknown: 00:26:10

sheep there. And it just was broad brushed everywhere

Unknown: 00:26:13

throughout her entire in all air, all categories of her

Unknown: 00:26:17

environment. So in a very long session, and a very long

Unknown: 00:26:23

session, we've worked it back, you know, picking away at each

Unknown: 00:26:28

cat each category and each thing we'll do you know, when we got

Unknown: 00:26:31

to the end of it, it really only stemmed hurt all of those

Unknown: 00:26:36

feelings, all of that hurt, all of that pain, all of that. Not

Unknown: 00:26:40

feeling accepted, of being judged, all of those things

Unknown: 00:26:44

really only stemmed in her relationship with her sister.

Unknown: 00:26:49

That immediately freed her to, to repair all other areas of her

Unknown: 00:26:56

life, every other relationship, every everything like that. And

Unknown: 00:27:01

then only have to focus on this one person, the relationship

Unknown: 00:27:04

with one person and it healed so fast, it healed so fast. The

Unknown: 00:27:10

problem is, we say I'm stuck. And we can't figure it out. Or

Unknown: 00:27:15

we keep trying we try something we stay surface with it. And

Unknown: 00:27:19

then we go that didn't work. It's like reading the self help

Unknown: 00:27:22

book and then going I didn't get any of the results that that the

Unknown: 00:27:25

book says every one of their participants has gotten or, you

Unknown: 00:27:29

know, going to Tony Robbins or going Why am I not one of those

Unknown: 00:27:31

top five people that are now millionaires because they went

Unknown: 00:27:33

to Tony Robbins, whatever, right? The thing is, you can

Unknown: 00:27:37

read it, you can listen to it. But until you do the work, the

Unknown: 00:27:42

practical application, the investigation, then you have to

Unknown: 00:27:46

do the, the cultivating, then you have to do the nurturing,

Unknown: 00:27:51

and then you have to do the conditioning. And until you're

Unknown: 00:27:53

ready to do all of the levels and layers of what it takes to

Unknown: 00:27:57

truly instigate change, you're either going to be all in an all

Unknown: 00:28:01

out think of that diet that you go on twice a year, once a year,

Unknown: 00:28:06

every quarter, every summer, whatever it is, right? Y'all

Unknown: 00:28:09

know who I'm talking to, right? I got to go on this diet because

Unknown: 00:28:12

I got to drop, you know, 25 pounds, we go all in, we

Unknown: 00:28:16

restrict our food, we exercise six days a week, we get to our

Unknown: 00:28:20

goal, we hang it, we hang there for a couple months, and then we

Unknown: 00:28:24

start to get complacent, we start to get right, because we

Unknown: 00:28:29

never intended to condition it as a new way of being. We only

Unknown: 00:28:32

did it for the surface reason of feeling like we were bikini

Unknown: 00:28:35

ready, which I love to challenge everybody to realize that your

Unknown: 00:28:39

bikini ready everyday go to target, they have them all year

Unknown: 00:28:41

round, that they have your size, right, just put it on, you have

Unknown: 00:28:45

to start defining things better, like what is it? We have to know

Unknown: 00:28:49

what is bikini ready, like you better define that it's not? I

Unknown: 00:28:53

look the way I want to look at my bikini. Right. But anyway,

Melissa Deally: 00:28:56

exactly. It's not the same for every single

Melissa Deally: 00:28:57

person, right? We've got to deep dig deeper than the words.

Melissa Deally: 00:29:01

Right. And I think what you're saying here is something that I

Melissa Deally: 00:29:04

do with my clients as well as the seven layers of why. Right?

Melissa Deally: 00:29:09

Is it's not just stopping Why do you want to do this? And it's

Melissa Deally: 00:29:12

not just stopping at that first easy answer. No, it's going

Melissa Deally: 00:29:16

deeper. So if you have that, what's that gonna get you? Why

Melissa Deally: 00:29:20

do you want that and keep going. And so it sounds like that's

Melissa Deally: 00:29:25

exactly the what you were doing with this client that figured

Melissa Deally: 00:29:28

out that all of the broad brush brush of, you know, feeling like

Melissa Deally: 00:29:32

the black sheep, when she got down those seven layers result

Melissa Deally: 00:29:37

of one person in her life.

Unknown: 00:29:40

So I'll give you this last example. The last example

Unknown: 00:29:44

of why we are the way we are why we get stuck in ruts or stuck

Unknown: 00:29:47

not knowing how to make a change or whatever. Think about how we

Unknown: 00:29:52

greet each other. Hey, how are you? I'm good. I'm fine. Okay,

Unknown: 00:29:59

good and fine. Bad, bad answers. Fine is probably the broadest

Unknown: 00:30:04

answer you can ever give. If you look at the word in the

Unknown: 00:30:08

dictionary, it is the broadest thing you could ever say about

Unknown: 00:30:11

yourself, you are either fine as the as a natural stone gym,

Unknown: 00:30:16

whatever, or you're as fine as a piece of hair that's been overly

Unknown: 00:30:19

bleached, that's gonna break if you blow on it, right? Like,

Unknown: 00:30:23

literally fine is way too broad of an answer. We've got to we've

Unknown: 00:30:27

got to know how to describe how we, how we feel in any moment,

Unknown: 00:30:32

with with a true description, we've got to quit throwing the

Unknown: 00:30:35

word busy at everything I busy. I challenge you to look up that

Unknown: 00:30:39

word and then look up the similar words and not and not

Unknown: 00:30:42

ask yourself is my busy, or my involved in engaged in my life,

Unknown: 00:30:47

quick thrown busy out there, like it's a badge of honor,

Unknown: 00:30:50

because all it does is it gets in your head psychologically

Unknown: 00:30:52

screw you up, get you frazzled, and blah, blah, blah, right?

Unknown: 00:30:57

Let's find something better to say. I'll get it all get all up

Unknown: 00:31:01

in a sermon. So

Melissa Deally: 00:31:04

that I absolutely agree with you. And

Melissa Deally: 00:31:05

the words that we use are so important, whether they're the

Melissa Deally: 00:31:10

words that we're using to talk to ourselves inside our head,

Melissa Deally: 00:31:13

are the words that we're putting out there, into the universe,

Melissa Deally: 00:31:18

into our community into our family, and the messages that

Melissa Deally: 00:31:21

flow from there. So I also want to dive into emotional

Melissa Deally: 00:31:26

intelligence in this conversation, because that's

Melissa Deally: 00:31:28

another biggie. And it's something that I know you've

Melissa Deally: 00:31:31

said is not innate. And, you know, so often I as I've been on

Melissa Deally: 00:31:38

this journey, for the last seven years, I felt why wasn't I

Melissa Deally: 00:31:41

taught this in school, right? There's so many things that I

Melissa Deally: 00:31:44

wish we could be teaching our kids in school to this day, and

Melissa Deally: 00:31:49

you know, reforming our school system, and it's coming. But

Melissa Deally: 00:31:53

emotional intelligence is another one that I would love to

Melissa Deally: 00:31:55

see taught at school, but share with us on that topic.

Unknown: 00:31:59

Lovely. If emotional intelligence was taught at the

Unknown: 00:32:02

school age level, for the very fact that I've already stated is

Unknown: 00:32:06

these things take learning, they take nurturing, they take

Unknown: 00:32:12

cultivating, they take conditioning, if we don't teach

Unknown: 00:32:18

our children at a young age, impulse control, their brains

Unknown: 00:32:22

aren't even equipped for it. Right. But they get innately

Unknown: 00:32:25

they don't have it because they don't they don't have a frontal

Unknown: 00:32:27

lobe, they're still in their old reptilian limbic system, right?

Unknown: 00:32:31

They're very knee jerk and reactive. So if we aren't

Unknown: 00:32:34

teaching them effective, self soothing tactics, patience, you

Unknown: 00:32:38

know, things like that, then then what are they going to

Unknown: 00:32:41

learn that when they're an adult, they think about all the

Unknown: 00:32:44

Instagram application needs we have out there in the world. So,

Unknown: 00:32:49

you know, we have to start with, you know, teaching everybody how

Unknown: 00:32:52

to truly get to know themselves, right? I call it you know, a

Unknown: 00:32:55

whole health survey, where we start to actually look at this

Unknown: 00:32:58

six categories that actually create whole health and include

Unknown: 00:33:02

intellect, and, you know, all the things that teach us how to

Unknown: 00:33:07

ask ourselves the hard questions, so that we can learn

Unknown: 00:33:11

how to uncover what we need to do going forward. Next, teach us

Unknown: 00:33:16

again, impulse control, teach us a different way of being

Unknown: 00:33:20

assertive, because I'd venture to say that that assertiveness

Unknown: 00:33:23

has been skewed. Because it's sort of this you know, people

Unknown: 00:33:29

think I'm assertive, I'm blunt, to the point, I'm assertive, I

Unknown: 00:33:34

challenge you to look at assertiveness as as something

Unknown: 00:33:37

more of an open, honest, genuine, transparent and

Unknown: 00:33:43

authentic way of being. And when I say the words transparent

Unknown: 00:33:48

mean, I'm transparent, always in all things that I do. And I'm

Unknown: 00:33:54

genuine and authentic. And I'm not there trying to pretend to

Unknown: 00:33:57

be somebody I'm not. Right. So we're talking about our kids, if

Unknown: 00:34:00

we're cheating them, true assertiveness, and we're

Unknown: 00:34:03

teaching them to be open, honest, genuine, transparent,

Unknown: 00:34:06

authentic, right? For teaching them those things. They won't be

Unknown: 00:34:10

like me and sweeping things under the rug. Right. And trying

Unknown: 00:34:15

to put on the perfect face or fit in with the in all these

Unknown: 00:34:18

little cliques. I mean, we'll still have them but but we're

Unknown: 00:34:21

going to have a better chance, then we need to have that then

Unknown: 00:34:25

we need to have distress tolerance, again, distress

Unknown: 00:34:29

tolerance, and there are so many things that fall under that. If

Unknown: 00:34:33

they can't take bullying without getting distressed and ending up

Unknown: 00:34:37

committing suicide. Right kids are doing that today. We need to

Unknown: 00:34:41

get on board. Mm hmm. This is real. They are shooting each

Unknown: 00:34:45

other we need to get on board. Absolutely don't have distress

Unknown: 00:34:50

tolerance. I really at least when I was a kid, we used to

Unknown: 00:34:56

just hit each other with our fist, right like Right. There

Unknown: 00:34:59

wasn't nice Some guns and all the things anyway. So we have

Unknown: 00:35:04

to, we have to teach distress tolerance, and we have to know

Unknown: 00:35:07

how to do it. So parents get some training, right? Well, you

Unknown: 00:35:12

know, learn it yourself. So you can lead by the good example.

Unknown: 00:35:16

Effective, self soothing, again, I'm going to bring that backup

Unknown: 00:35:18

effective, self soothing, it's not all external reward, we

Unknown: 00:35:22

cannot rely on needing a bath, we cannot rely on meeting

Unknown: 00:35:27

meditation, we cannot rely on Downward Dog. Because when we're

Unknown: 00:35:30

driving our car, what are we left with our head, we gotta

Unknown: 00:35:34

learn how to do it in here, and have the tools in here ready at

Unknown: 00:35:40

any given moment. And that's going to also foster us to have

Unknown: 00:35:43

the ability of emotional intelligence, or I'm sorry,

Unknown: 00:35:46

emotion regulation, which rounds out us having emotional

Unknown: 00:35:50

intelligence, and learning how to, you know, live our lives.

Unknown: 00:35:53

Because in that, oh, I've missed one, my favorite, your locus of

Unknown: 00:35:57

control, quit being so externally derailed, Mm hmm. Be

Unknown: 00:36:01

internally driven, be internally minded. Again, that goes with

Unknown: 00:36:05

that assertiveness, right. And take take ownership of how you

Unknown: 00:36:10

want to experience living, this is your life. And then then you

Unknown: 00:36:13

can say, this is how I want to experience my environment. And

Unknown: 00:36:16

this is how I want to be received by other people. And

Unknown: 00:36:19

then this is the example I'm going to lead by, but this is

Unknown: 00:36:22

how we bring up our children or our grandchildren so that they

Unknown: 00:36:25

they don't have, they don't have to, you know, I mean, we're just

Unknown: 00:36:30

talking about mental health finally, you know, I'm in my

Unknown: 00:36:33

50s. So

Melissa Deally: 00:36:35

well, I love I absolutely love all of that, you

Melissa Deally: 00:36:37

know, I hear over, I hear over and over again, that happiness

Melissa Deally: 00:36:41

comes from the inside, right, not relying on those external

Melissa Deally: 00:36:44

sources for happiness, when I have this, I'll be happier when

Melissa Deally: 00:36:47

I have that I'll be happy. And we know that isn't true. I mean,

Melissa Deally: 00:36:50

that's, I can't remember the number it's staggeringly high. I

Melissa Deally: 00:36:53

think it's something like 75% of people who go and have a plastic

Melissa Deally: 00:36:59

surgery done. And then they get to have their face look exactly

Melissa Deally: 00:37:02

the way they want it to look. And then they're still not

Melissa Deally: 00:37:05

happy. Right now most guys that happiness comes from inside. And

Melissa Deally: 00:37:09

for too many years, we've also been taught, like you were

Melissa Deally: 00:37:13

taught, squash, the emotion, squash, the emotion, squash, the

Melissa Deally: 00:37:16

emotion. So this conversation around emotional intelligence is

Melissa Deally: 00:37:20

so so important now, and I love that that's such a big piece of

Melissa Deally: 00:37:24

the work that you do, because so many of us are getting to

Melissa Deally: 00:37:28

adulthood. And we've never learned this. And we haven't

Melissa Deally: 00:37:34

been able to process our emotions. And we have been

Melissa Deally: 00:37:37

relying on external sources to make us happy. And that's where

Melissa Deally: 00:37:42

the addictions are coming in. So your work is so needed,

Melissa Deally: 00:37:46

particularly now, particularly now, because the last few years

Melissa Deally: 00:37:50

have been hard on everyone in the world. Right? And so the

Melissa Deally: 00:37:55

rate of addictions has absolutely increased, whether it

Melissa Deally: 00:37:58

be drinking or shopping, or smoking or whatever it is, right

Melissa Deally: 00:38:02

sugar, etc.

Unknown: 00:38:04

So,

Melissa Deally: 00:38:06

so I want to ask you, before we dive into how

Melissa Deally: 00:38:10

people can reach you, one of the questions that I asked all of my

Melissa Deally: 00:38:14

guests, what does don't wait for your wake up call mean to you.

Unknown: 00:38:18

Oh, learn how to hear what your body is telling you.

Unknown: 00:38:24

Because it's telling you what you need to know that it needs

Unknown: 00:38:29

to Yeah, needs zap. Like, literally, if I would have

Unknown: 00:38:32

started listening to my body a whole lot sooner. And I it this

Unknown: 00:38:36

would be a whole new podcast, right? Like, there's all

Unknown: 00:38:39

different episodes. But if I had started to listen to my physical

Unknown: 00:38:43

body sooner, I would have I would have healed a lot sooner.

Unknown: 00:38:51

Right.

Melissa Deally: 00:38:53

And I love that because it's so in alignment

Melissa Deally: 00:38:55

with my work of teaching the exact same thing.

Unknown: 00:38:58

And we get along so well.

Melissa Deally: 00:39:01

Together. Exactly. And you and I have just

Melissa Deally: 00:39:05

recently worked together and continue to work together. And

Melissa Deally: 00:39:09

you've had some great results from experiencing my detox

Melissa Deally: 00:39:13

program.

Unknown: 00:39:14

Oh, I tried to do my follow up when a whole month

Unknown: 00:39:17

early because I loved it. So I'm glad I asked you first, because

Unknown: 00:39:23

I still have a whole month to go. I gotta wait for April. I

Unknown: 00:39:26

was ready. I was ready to go at the end of February.

Melissa Deally: 00:39:30

We don't want to do that too much, because then

Melissa Deally: 00:39:32

it's hard on the body. But I love how you were willing to

Melissa Deally: 00:39:36

step into it. You're still listening to your body every

Melissa Deally: 00:39:39

single day. You knew something was up with digestion, even

Melissa Deally: 00:39:42

though you have that nutritional background. It's not the main

Melissa Deally: 00:39:46

focus of the work that you do today. And so you decided, hey,

Melissa Deally: 00:39:50

you know, I want some help with my gut. But let's do this detox

Melissa Deally: 00:39:53

and see what happens. So

Unknown: 00:39:54

I think that the important thing there to hear

Unknown: 00:39:56

because I love that you just said this. I know we're almost

Unknown: 00:39:59

out of time. But all all of us practitioners that are listening

Unknown: 00:40:03

to this message right now, right? There's something really

Unknown: 00:40:07

important in this because we are not all the master of all. And,

Unknown: 00:40:11

and so eating healthy. And being, you know, a nutrition

Unknown: 00:40:16

coach for people in recovery, you know, didn't make me a

Unknown: 00:40:20

master at everything that comes with nutrition, I had a very

Unknown: 00:40:26

healthy diet, but but it was still not 100% serving me

Unknown: 00:40:30

because I still had things that were in the way and I wouldn't,

Unknown: 00:40:32

I couldn't figure it out. And I just kept, you know, taking

Unknown: 00:40:36

foods away. But anyway, so we all need to coach in certain

Unknown: 00:40:39

areas, when we whenever we get stuck in something when we get

Unknown: 00:40:42

stuck somewhere. And I don't it doesn't matter who you are, or

Unknown: 00:40:45

how educated you are, you can have my mentor, and I talk about

Unknown: 00:40:50

it all the time, we know we can have the gazillion years of

Unknown: 00:40:53

experience, but there's always something more for us to learn.

Unknown: 00:40:56

And there are other people that know more about something than

Unknown: 00:40:58

we do.

Melissa Deally: 00:41:00

And also when we're in it, it's hard to see

Melissa Deally: 00:41:03

for ourselves what is going on, right, I have someone coming in

Melissa Deally: 00:41:06

from the outside, they have more clarity of vision. And so you

Melissa Deally: 00:41:11

know, I still work with a naturopath, even though I can

Melissa Deally: 00:41:13

run the very same labs, and I run them for myself and I read

Melissa Deally: 00:41:17

them for myself. And I read all my labs for my clients, I still

Melissa Deally: 00:41:21

share my labs with my naturopath and book a session with her to

Melissa Deally: 00:41:25

get her feedback, because she's coming from the outside. And

Melissa Deally: 00:41:29

when you're looking at yourself, what have you missed, right? So

Melissa Deally: 00:41:35

I love that you know that that you step into that and embrace

Melissa Deally: 00:41:37

that. So tell the audience how they can get hold of you. And

Melissa Deally: 00:41:43

also, I know that you are offering a very generous gift

Melissa Deally: 00:41:46

for the audience. So please share that as well. I

Unknown: 00:41:49

can always be found on my website, which is turning

Unknown: 00:41:53

leaves Lea v s recovery.com. And you'll also be able to find me

Unknown: 00:42:00

if you just click on the link for the for the for the gift,

Unknown: 00:42:04

but there's a race for that one, because there's only there's

Unknown: 00:42:07

only three available, so you have to hurry up. But or you can

Unknown: 00:42:11

call me send me a text message at 805-710-2513. Push, pause,

Unknown: 00:42:17

rewind, play it again, write it down, whatever you need to do.

Unknown: 00:42:21

I'm very much an open book, that's how you find me, the free

Unknown: 00:42:25

gift that I'm offering is five days of my time. It's it's my

Unknown: 00:42:30

one of my favorite ways to actually get to know somebody,

Unknown: 00:42:34

develop rapport, and also help them get on a to figure out what

Unknown: 00:42:40

it is they even need to do, whether it's work with me or

Unknown: 00:42:42

somebody else. And it's called by light called Life

Unknown: 00:42:45

intervention. So this is again, we will spend an hour and a half

Unknown: 00:42:49

face to face time, we'll figure out how but we will be doing a

Unknown: 00:42:53

lot of communicating over the course of a five day period. And

Unknown: 00:42:57

so there's a lot that goes into it. There'll be a lot of

Unknown: 00:43:00

surveys, questionnaires, conversations and time to meet

Unknown: 00:43:05

one on one. But we're will definitely figure out some some

Unknown: 00:43:08

focal points for you. Anyway, I the links gonna be in the in the

Melissa Deally: 00:43:14

show notes. Yep, I don't put all your contact

Melissa Deally: 00:43:16

information in the show notes as well. And I just want to let the

Melissa Deally: 00:43:19

audience know that your life intervention program is valued

Melissa Deally: 00:43:22

at $350. And that is some powerful work that you are going

Melissa Deally: 00:43:26

to be guiding people through. So if there's anybody listening,

Melissa Deally: 00:43:30

that if you know that you're in the mass, if you are trying to,

Melissa Deally: 00:43:35

or you're ready to start figuring that out with some

Melissa Deally: 00:43:38

assistance of healer and expert, like Trisha, jump on that,

Melissa Deally: 00:43:43

because there's only three available. So the first three,

Unknown: 00:43:47

if you're listening to this in six months, and and

Unknown: 00:43:50

there isn't a free one left, you can still have it though. Yes,

Unknown: 00:43:54

just reach out.

Melissa Deally: 00:43:55

But three for free right now to that three who

Melissa Deally: 00:43:58

sign up to work with Trisha. So thank you so much for offering

Melissa Deally: 00:44:02

that. I really appreciate it. And it's been wonderful having

Melissa Deally: 00:44:06

you on the show. And I would love for you to leave with the

Melissa Deally: 00:44:10

question that I asked every time. What is one tip you can

Melissa Deally: 00:44:15

give the audience to inspire them to take action in their own

Melissa Deally: 00:44:19

health journey today.

Unknown: 00:44:22

I'm going to say sit down and look at the different

Unknown: 00:44:27

categories of your life. And look at look at where you think

Unknown: 00:44:34

you're stuck or where you think you're having an issue and break

Unknown: 00:44:38

it down. What's it costing you? What's it benefiting you? Do do

Unknown: 00:44:42

a cost versus benefit analysis pros vs. Cons what you know pros

Unknown: 00:44:46

and cons and actually get in there and do those y's do the

Unknown: 00:44:50

seven layers of y that Melissa was talking about. Ask yourself

Unknown: 00:44:54

why what is it and how can I how can I see myself moving past

Unknown: 00:44:59

this and if you can can't answer the hell reach out and find

Unknown: 00:45:01

somebody that can help you find out, figure it out.

Melissa Deally: 00:45:04

And Tricia has the great, great place to start.

Melissa Deally: 00:45:07

So thank you again for having, uh, for coming on the show. I

Melissa Deally: 00:45:10

really appreciate your time. This is such an important

Melissa Deally: 00:45:13

conversation. And thank you for your bravery in your own

Melissa Deally: 00:45:17

journey. And then now for being willing to pay it forward and

Melissa Deally: 00:45:20

share that with the rest of the world. And to my audience,

Melissa Deally: 00:45:25

thanks for joining me once again. And I look forward to

Melissa Deally: 00:45:27

having you come back next time.

Melissa Deally: 00:45:31

Thank you for investing this time with me on the don't wait

Melissa Deally: 00:45:34

for your wake up call Podcast. I'm so glad you joined in. If

Melissa Deally: 00:45:38

you can take two minutes to share this episode with someone

Melissa Deally: 00:45:41

who you think can benefit and have a positive impact on their

Melissa Deally: 00:45:43

life. That would be wonderful. Please leave a review by going

Melissa Deally: 00:45:48

to your favorite podcast listening app. And let me know

Melissa Deally: 00:45:51

what you enjoy or would like to hear more of it will support me

Melissa Deally: 00:45:55

in my effort to bring the possibility of natural healing

Melissa Deally: 00:45:58

to a wider audience and help disrupt the sick care system we

Melissa Deally: 00:46:02

have today and make human health a global priority. Health is