Release Your Saboteurs And Live The Best Years Of Your Life | Ep 89

Melissa Deally: 00:00:06

Imagine getting up every day full of energy is if you were in your 20s. Again, what would that be? Like? What would that be worth to you? What is your health worth to you? Think about it. Your health isn't everything. But without it, everything else is nothing. And yet too many of us are taking it for granted until something goes wrong. No one wakes up hoping to be diagnosed with a disease or chronic illness. And yet, we've never been taught how to be proactive in our health through our school system, or public health. As a registered health coach and integrative health practitioner, I believe it is time this information is made available to everyone. Combining new knowledge around your health and the ability to do my functional medicine lab tests in the comfort of your own home will allow you to optimize your health for today and all your tomorrow's don't wait for your wake up call. Welcome back to another

Melissa Deally: 00:01:07

episode of The don't wait for your wake up call podcast. I am Melissa Deally, your host here with my good friend Denise Belisle Denise, welcome.

Denise Belisle: 00:01:17

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on your show. I'm so excited.

Melissa Deally: 00:01:21

I'm excited to have you here. Because of course, we've come to know each other quite well over the last 18 months to two years. And I know that we both have a deep passion for health. But you've also stepped into some new areas as well with your work. And I'm just gonna do a little intro for the audience here for your benefit. Denise is a serenity expert and positive intelligence specialist. She specializes in working with professionals 50, and over to define their new identities so they can rock the second half of their lives. She empowers them to bring back the spark and unleash their inner strength, all of which I really, really love. And how many people are in that second phase of their life? wondering like, who am I now the kids have left home, or maybe there's a breakup or something and they're just maybe feeling a little bit lost. And so I love that you are helping them find themselves again, and bring back that spark, as you say, but how did you get into this?

Denise Belisle: 00:02:25

Well, thanks for asking. And I liked that you actually got it, you know, because you went you said that? I'm just gonna go back a little bit. And then I'll tell you I got to death is when you said you know, like the kids are getting out, are leaving going to school and leaving the nest or, or uncertain about the relationship. And also we'll get back to that. But also like, do I want to stay in that relationship? Or? Or do I do I want to walk away now that I'm free from the kids and I can do whatever I want, right? But we'll get back to that. But how did I get into doing that? I've always been fascinated with health and wellness. And that's where we connect very much with like I've done study on functional medicine to when I've done health coaching and everything that has to do with longevity, I swear when I was a young adult that I would never grow old. So I don't look at the over 65, don't I? That's because I'm nuts. And then I've decided that over the years, like my favorite to go book were self help and health book and all the books that I could read about mental fitness, mental health, emotional intelligence, and all of that I was always intrigued. And when I did my functional medicine course, that's where I've decided to, unlike you, I was not very excited about learning about the system and the digestive system and what that affect your body in this scenario. But what I realized that a lot of time when we have any problem in our body, it is related initially with stress. So I've decided to go why don't I go right to the source? Why don't I start from where it started? And then I'll let Melissa deal with the rest when when I love it realizing that.

Melissa Deally: 00:04:10

So you're absolutely right. I'm just going to put in there a stat that 90% of all doctor's visits are related back to stress. And I recently posted that, and I actually had a couple of doctors comment on my post who was who said, I would venture to say it's actually even higher than that. That that's a reported stat. Wow, that's one though. So you're right in terms of going straight to the source, like addressing the stress is so needed in today's world. So I love that you're doing this.

Denise Belisle: 00:04:40

Yes. So that's where it came from. That's where I coined myself as a serenity expert because I have I tried to calculate it at some point. It's like how can you calculate how many meditation hours I have and I sum it up to about 15,000 hours of of sitting on my bum and meditate Seeing or, or consciousness or whatever, right like mindfulness and, and then I, I study like crazy emotional intelligence in the 90s, I could I would read like this the scholar book, you know, like the big Bible or bar on, you know, intelligence and, and all of that led me to really learn from taking courses too and all that, but learn to really control what's going on in yours. Mm hmm. I'm not 100% Perfect, you know, like I get involved with me ever will be I don't think we ever would it

Melissa Deally: 00:05:36

is a practice that we just have to keep practicing every single day.

Denise Belisle: 00:05:40

But then it can snap into Oh, I'm walking into that fat of negativity, do I want to go there? No, I don't want to I want to be positive, I want to see the gift and all that. So that's, that's how it came to be where I am now and developing this practice of wanting to help others really to unleash their positivity and let it let it flow so that they can really spark the second half of their life.

Melissa Deally: 00:06:08

I love it, that's really super powerful. And our mindset is so key to all of that. Because, of course, our mindset is stemming from our beliefs, which trigger the thoughts trigger the language that we're using, which then trigger the actions that we're taking, even unconsciously, which then triggers the results that we're getting, right. And so if you're not happy in your life, if there's things aspects of your life in any aspect of your life, that isn't where you want it to be. It's not about looking at the results, and just focusing on what how do I shift the result, you actually have to take those steps back to the belief to the mindset and work with someone like you to create that practice that will then get the results people are looking for.

Denise Belisle: 00:07:04

Yeah, and just like you said, it's different level is the thought, the language we use, the action we take, and then the result we'll get from all of that it's all enter link. So in order to change the result, you have to change the thought, if you don't change the way you think, always have the same result.

Melissa Deally: 00:07:28

Exactly. And it's also so much of that is unconscious until you learn Yeah, the awareness around it. Absolutely. We're not aware of the many 1000s of conversations we have with ourselves in our head every single day. Until we learn to be aware of it, and learn to question it and learn to say hey, I don't like that thought. I'm gonna change that thought. Right? Which is where your work comes in, as you're teaching people about that. And so, share that process with me, you know, if you can, the tools that you're using are how you work with people and guide people through bringing that spark back.

Denise Belisle: 00:08:08

Oh, for sure. For sure. Thank you. It's a five step system. And so the way it works is initially I want people to to realize what are those voices that they have in their mind? So I have an assessment. It's called Positive Intelligence, pq assessment like the saboteurs assessment, and then you find out who are your five sub What are your nine saboteurs there's nine saboteur and a judge everybody as a judge, and everybody as the saboteurs to a certain level. And then once you do the assessment, then we sit together, and then we learn how they act and interact into into your body and into your brain and into how how do they you know, if I go back to, to talk in words, like whatever we tell ourselves, what, what are they telling you, because the saboteurs all the voices in your mind or your Saboteurs for the most part, they either telling you, you need to do better, you need to achieve more and sometimes these voices can come from loan experiences from our parents telling us that it's not good enough. I've gone like my mom used to tell my older sister, how come you get on the 99? Why didn't you get 100? It's like, damn.

Melissa Deally: 00:09:28

Yeah, 99 is pretty good.

Denise Belisle: 00:09:31

But this thick, right? This kids are even when you're an adult, if somebody put that in your mind that stick in your brain, and they're like, Well, I gotta have 100 all the time. So which caused that person to overboard into studying overflow? Like they need to have 110 If there's a bonus question, they have to have that right to right

Melissa Deally: 00:09:52

right where the selection ism comes out because they have to get the perfect score or the The other side of it that can come out is just, I'm not good enough. Yeah, exactly right, because I didn't get 100. So I'm not good enough. And then we have that story running around in our brain.

Unknown: 00:10:09

So whatever hiree often from childhood that was

Melissa Deally: 00:10:13

never put there maliciously at all. But it's there. And it's holding us back.

Denise Belisle: 00:10:19

Absolutely. Yeah. So that call with me after you done the assessment, is going to give you an idea of really how, like, Who are you talks about? Or I usually look at the top four. And then and then we look at them and then say, okay, how do you see this one coming into your life? How do you hear it in your voice? What does it tells you tell you, and then we go back to those, and then we talk. And then once we've done that, then we jump into really learning more about the saboteurs. And how to switch your mindset. So you learn tools, that allows you to go from the negative to the positive to go from the defeatist. So thinking to the curious, like, oh, what's the gift in that? How can I? How can I bring curiosity into that situation? That's going to resolve it in a certain way that I don't know how, but I'm curious to explore. So that's,

Melissa Deally: 00:11:22

so that's going from the victim mentality to what is this experience supposed to be teaching me that I can come out the other side? That's where the curiosity is coming in, is to figure out what is the what is it that I need to learn to come to the other side, right,

Denise Belisle: 00:11:38

and that's so so we have as I mentioned earlier, the nine saboteur and the judge, but on the positive side, the positive side of that is we have one sage and has five powers. So these powers that what you learn, you learn how how to use them, you learn how to recognize when you saboteurs are there, and then get curious, get innovative about the solution get have a lot of empathy for yourself. And for others. It's like, yeah, it's, it's I know, it has been hard going through that thinking this way. Or if I was a little kids, would I really talk to myself this way? Right? If I was to talk to my little five years old, would I tell that five years old, like, consciously you're such a loser, right? Consciously when you think about it, this was like, So why am I telling myself that now? Right? Why? Why do I feel that I deserve that today. And if I was to talk to my fight my own fight my need as fine, I wouldn't say that. So then that switch the mindset that that you raise your negative pattern, and it builds the positive pattern. And it's like anything, it's like any groove, right? Like if you, if you have, you know, a little sign, the more you saw into something, well, the groove will get bigger, right? And then you can take the sawdust of that and put it the other groove and then fill it up so that you don't have that groove anymore. It works differently. That's an easy way to see. Right?

Melissa Deally: 00:13:05

So yeah, that's what you're building, then you're the neurology, right. And you're deepening the path. As you're saying, Yeah, you build that neurology so that you're going to the positive, much more quickly, if not instantly, most of the time, rather than going to the negative,

Denise Belisle: 00:13:24

yes. Because whatever you feed will grow. So if you don't feed the negative thinking, it will slowly shrink, right? And we have an analogy with Positive Intelligence that when we have a negative thought, is just like if you imagine yourself in the kitchen, and if you get your hand on the hot, the hot iron, the hot plate is like, Oh, that's hot. Like, that's the that's the awareness of a negative thinking. In life, you know, say, Oh, that's hot. Oh, my God, I can't believe how hot this Iran is. And you know, that hurts so much. But that's what we do with our negative thinking, right? We stay in it, and we dwell in it. And we say, I feel so bad. And that's horrible with my boss did and my husband, she said that and so we stayed there. So the idea of switching into the positive is the awareness is is good, you need to be aware. So it's like how I'm negative right now. Okay, let's switch on the positive.

Melissa Deally: 00:14:24

Right. And so you're using that analogy of the heat for the listeners there that aren't watching your hand moving, but when we touch the heat, we remove our hand immediately. And where you're trying to get people to is that negative thought is like the hot plate that you're trying to remove immediately.

Denise Belisle: 00:14:41

Yes, and you don't leave you on the hot plate. You don't mean you don't stay in the negative. You don't stay in the negative thinking. By learning Positive Intelligence. You learn to be aware, because we need to be aware of our feelings. We don't say, you know, don't think about your feelings. You have no more negative feeling anymore. Yeah, you can feel pain. But it's a signal to say, Okay, I feel pain. What do I need to do right now in order to feel better? What do I need? It's a signal that something is not right. So what do I need to fix right now? So that I, I'll be happy and I will feel that pain. Right.

Melissa Deally: 00:15:23

And I can release the pain. I don't have to say stuck in it. Yeah, exactly. And it's the same. It's like having your hand on the hot plate, right? And it's the same whether it's pain or anger, or fear or frustration, or whatever it is, that's coming up for you that you don't have

Denise Belisle: 00:15:40

to stay stuck in. No, there's way there's a way out.

Melissa Deally: 00:15:43

Exactly. And you have the power with these tools to get your self out very quickly, which is what I love about this. If you're enjoying my content, and someone that wants to step into being proactive in your health and learning more,

Melissa Deally: 00:16:00

I would love to invite you to join my membership community. There's a link in the show notes for only 1999 a month, you get access to all of my content. And there's a lot as well as weekly calls that you can come and get your health questions answered. It's truly priceless. I'd love to see you join the community, check out the link in the show notes.

Denise Belisle: 00:16:22

And so the fourth step is to, to practice. It's not because you you go to a course. And then it's like going on a weekend retreat. And then you go back home and you don't do anything about what you've learned. Right. So the fourth step is to stay into the practice, build that awareness, build that big neurological pathway towards the positive, keep practicing anchoring that knowledge while working with a coach that will guide you when situation are difficult. I have clients who say Oh, last week, I couldn't stop thinking about when I got fired from that job. Like I was just so angry. And I said, Well, did you do some because we have little exercise called PQ wrappers. And if you could do some PQ wrap on that? He said, No. You don't like meaning like, I know I should, but no, I didn't. And I said okay, let's let's see how we can cure that. Let's see how we can resolve these thinking and how you can switch and and see the gift and see, you know, the greatness that happened after you got fired and all that stuff. So then we worked on that. And then a week after I say, so did you practice to say yes. So you feeling better? Is it? Yeah, absolutely. Right. So because we forget you do you do? Do the practice, but then it's like, oh, when things get hard, you just get back into the spiral down, right? Absolutely.

Melissa Deally: 00:17:41

It happens to all of us. And that's why working with a coach is so important. Because as we're building new habits, it's easy to fall back to where we work is that new habit isn't built yet. And we may have the tools. But if we get thrown into that deep, negative emotion, we may not remember to use the tools in that moment, because that habit isn't deeply ingrained enough.

Denise Belisle: 00:18:07

Exactly, exactly. But then when you start to use the tool, then you discover that, wow, life is beautiful, you discover that I don't have to stay in that negative state. I can't I can, you know, move on and be happy and I'm allowed and then you quiet down those voices of your saboteur and you feel empowered. Because when you give up to the saboteurs, you you give your power away. Yeah, give them the right to carry you around, you know, wherever they want you to go. But once you start to become more in charge of your life, then you feel so empowered, you're you celebrate, then that's the fifth step is celebrating and reaping the reward of getting into a difficult situation and all of a sudden you realize that you look around and you're thinking like Arkham Arkham, I'm feeling so good. And that's such a bad situation. Because you you've learned to not to get carried around by your emotion. You know, there's something hard that just happened, but you handle it with grace and you handle it with serenity and you say, okay, okay, what have I learned now? Okay, I've learned that perfect, you know, there's no point crying and because what happened five seconds ago, five years ago, you can't change it. And that's my big thing that I teach with my clients is the learners. If it happened five seconds ago, forget it, you can change it. Right? You can't change it the back

Melissa Deally: 00:19:43

on your present, you cannot change it five seconds ago, five months ago, five years ago can't be changed.

Denise Belisle: 00:19:48

So may as well like okay, how do I move forward and stay positive because there's no point dragging the negative to the present every single day because you can't change it regardless how long you want. have tried to change it and won't change. And as

Melissa Deally: 00:20:02

we've alluded to already, when we drag that negative with us every single day, it's bogging us down. It's draining our energy, it's making us feel heavy. And those things we may be aware of, but it's also impacting our health negatively inside our body, right? washing down those emotions, and then just regurgitating them over and over again, in our stomach and our gut, that stress on the body. And stress on the body leads to illness down the line.

Denise Belisle: 00:20:35

Like every moment in the past, that something happened in it, I was so upset that I had to go to bathroom because everything was liquid. Right? Right. I'm sure it happened to many people. Like it's amazing the s trait of the mind and to the body. Imagine the disturbance that created an embodied to make me go to bathroom because I'm gonna do in my pants. Right, right. It's crazy. Yeah, so imagine that's just one event. But if we live in this stress, and then the the, I call that sustained stress, having one stress in your life, you know, it's like, okay, I can handle them. But it's not just like, for example, it's not just the bill in the mail, it's not just the traffic, you know, going to the office, it's not just a computer that decide not to work. It's not just the co worker beside you that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, keep yapping, I'll let it stress you out. It's all of those buildup together. It's like toxin, right? If you take one toxin into your body, while you'll be fine, your body will find that and all that. But if you, you take toxic food and toxic water and toxic air and toxic, you know, environment, toxic talk, like your body will really go out of whack. And it's the same thing, you know, for stress or toxins or anything.

Melissa Deally: 00:21:57

Absolutely, it's that build up, that over time creates our health issues down the line, and we can't see any of it. So we tend to ignore it, because we can't see it. So I love that you're bringing awareness to this, in order to bring it to the forefront, is people need to know this. And again, this isn't taught through public health, it isn't taught through our school system. It's been in my experience anyway, it's been something that's been, you know, largely taught out of us in society in the last 100 years, I feel like we're much less in tune with our bodies than we were 100 years ago, right? Because we've been in this busy, busy busy doo doo doo mode, right? Where multitasking is rewarded and expected. And the 60 hour workweek is demanded, et cetera, et cetera. Right. And I know, when I was in the corporate world, there was, you know, we would get told regularly, you know, like, don't bring your personal problems to work, don't you know, you got to shut everything out, sit here, do your work, be a robot don't feel anything, right. And that's as a society, what we've become, and it's only just starting to shift now. Yeah, into recognizing the importance of slowing down, getting in tune with our body, taking time to, you know, meditate, look after our brain look after overall health release the stress, that multitasking isn't actually helping you get more done. It's just getting you on a hamster wheel, right? So all of this is awareness that's been coming out, you know, probably slowly since the turn of this century, but more so in the last 10 years, and it's just starting to build up. But the fact that you're doing this work, and you know, helping people get back in touch with their bodies, their emotions is so important. Thank you. We have to lower the stress level in the world today.

Denise Belisle: 00:24:05

Yeah. And it's up to every one of us. Because Absolutely, like if I like for me when when we people are around me or even just walking into my place, because I have that energy, right? I mean, the energy is all around me. And people say Wow, it's so peaceful here. And, and sometimes you would walk in someone's place, and you'd be like, Oh my god, like, when can when can we leave? Yes, I feel so stressed out being here. So when you become peaceful, and when you radiate peace and serenity, you will affect the people around you. And then these people will affect people around them. And that big, you know, changes that we can make just just by taking care of ourselves, and we influence all the people around us.

Melissa Deally: 00:24:53

Absolutely. And that's something that's come up a lot in the podcast lately. Is that ripple effect? Yeah, right. And Just touching that one person who you're the leader, there may not even be doing what you're doing. But because you're showing up in a different way, they show up in a different way. Right? And so that's really powerful. It's not that you have to change anybody else. You can't. But you can change yourself. Yeah. And as you change yourself, the people around you begin to change. Mm hmm.

Denise Belisle: 00:25:27

Yeah, that's an adult altogether. But when I talk about relationships, I talk a lot about that.

Melissa Deally: 00:25:35

It's so true, right? Yeah, you can

Denise Belisle: 00:25:37

change your partner, you can only work change the way you are around your partner, so that you enhance the relationship. And the rest will come together.

Melissa Deally: 00:25:48

Unconsciously, they don't even notice. Yeah, it's very powerful. I've seen that I've seen that happen. I've experienced it. And it is very, very powerful. So yeah, so I love this work you're doing I love the saboteur assessment, and learning who your Saboteurs are, so that you can work with that and then eventually be releasing them. Because they're the baggage that are weighing us down and holding us back. Yeah. So that's awesome. So thank you so, so much for sharing all of this. It's really powerful work. And I love to ask all of my guests a specific question. And that question is what is don't wait for your wake up call mean to you.

Denise Belisle: 00:26:35

That means that don't wait. For extreme like, don't wait for the divorce paper. Don't wait for you wanting to give your resignation, don't wait for the extreme of I can't do this anymore. Before you decide that, hey, maybe I'll bring a little bit more peace in my life. Maybe I can do you know, like small amount. If I tell you meditate half an hour in the Dave's and I can do that. But if I tell you meditate three, four time for two minutes, you'll be Yeah, I think I can do that. So there's ways around it there. And those two minutes can be very powerful. So there's way around it, then don't wait for the, the I can't do this anymore. I'm gonna explode. Take a step back now, today, right now, and see if there are things you can do in your life that's going to allow you to be a little bit more peaceful. And let me know I can help you with the at least the assessment because just doing the assessment, bring awareness to I didn't realize I was a controller. You know, like, for me, it was just being productive and all that. But in reality, I'm pushing people away, and I'm getting out of my way, it's the way it should be done who like. So there's once you're aware of that, like, oh, oh, my treating people around me. So by doing the assessment, it allows you to bring that awareness, and I'll be happy to go over that assessment with you. So that's the how to not wait for the last minute. So that's too late.

Melissa Deally: 00:28:13

That's awesome. Thank you. And you're so right, it's don't, if you wait till the very end, when you blow up, you don't even know where to turn. But now you've just gifted the audience all of this information. And if they don't know how to get started, it just makes sense for them to reach out to you. Start right here. Do the assessment. I know we'll put the assessment in the show notes. But how can people reach out to you?

Denise Belisle: 00:28:40

Well, there's my my name my email, it's Denise at the nice ville.com. So you can send me an email and say, Hey, Denise, I heard you on Melissa. I'm also if you look on Facebook, Denise biller Google Denise Belial, you'll find a lot of stuff that might surprise you, but you'll find me on on your role at a lot of places.

Melissa Deally: 00:28:59

Are you the only one that's there with the spelling of your name?

Denise Belisle: 00:29:03

Oh, no, there's a doctor in Montreal. Okay. I actually went quick note, when I went to Montreal, I went back to live there after I was in Toronto and all that. And I moved in in a complex that was right behind where she had business. She had a business, you know, and I know it's foreign, and I've got an appointment with her just to go see her. But if you Google Denise Baleal serenity expert for sure.

Melissa Deally: 00:29:27

They'll find you. Yeah, that's awesome. And I know you've also very generously offered a spring cleaning for your brain. So share I've put that in the show notes as well but share a little bit more about that.

Denise Belisle: 00:29:42

Yeah, this spring cleaning for your brain. So it's, we all have stuff that is going on in our brain that sometime it could be taught action like all the steps that I said earlier, but also people sometime we have people in our life that is stuck in our brain ad is not for the benefit of our life, we need to get rid of some people some action. So I give the example of emptying a garage, putting everything on the lawn and then bringing in it's a little bit Marie Kondo type of thing, but not exactly. And then deciding, yeah, I love that or that behaviors. You know, me smoking, for example, I don't smoke. But smoking is every something that's good for me and my life. So brain, and why do I smoke? So you go into, you know, different way, there's a three step system, and it's really well defined in the little PDF there.

Melissa Deally: 00:30:32

That sounds fabulous. Thank you so much for sharing that. So I will definitely check that out as well. Because, you know, we spring clean our house, Malte, you know, at least in the spring, but several times a year, and definitely decluttering our mind is very powerful in allowing us to find serenity and peace and calm. So thank you. You're welcome. Any last messages that you'd like to leave with the audience to inspire them to get started today?

Denise Belisle: 00:31:00

It's not difficult. So tell yourself because sometimes I don't have time. It's too hard. I can't do this. Do the assessment if and again, anything else? It takes five to 10 minutes, depending how fast you read, it's a one to five answer and do the assessment. book a call with me, that's the minimum I would say to do because I'm here to help you I want my goal is to help humanity become more peaceful because as I was mentioning earlier, we feed each individual become more peaceful, and it's the ripple effect will change our planet. So so that's my goal.

Melissa Deally: 00:31:42

So let's easy guys and girls, do the assessment book a call. And the other thing that I would love to ask you to do is if you enjoyed this episode, you think that it can benefit someone else, please send it to them so that they can hear it too. And you are creating a ripple effect simply by doing that. So thank you so much for listening. I appreciate each and every one of you. Until next time,